Philosopher Fred Rauscher (Michigan State) "won the Internet" yesterday with his contribution to the thread on "abridged classics."  His contribution deserves separate posting:

Heraclitus, Fragments:
Man unwittingly makes same point twice

Plato, Meno:
Geometry lesson somehow requires ghostly realm

Plato, Republic:
Conversation, conversation, spelunking, more conversation

Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics:
Philosopher asks which life is best, answers “mine”

Augustine, Confessions:
Man has fun, finds God, becomes bore

Aquinas, Summa Theologica:
User’s guide to world, with Frequently Asked Questions

Machiavelli, The Prince:
Advice to rulers: do what you have always been doing anyway

Montaigne, Essays:
Extremely wealthy man claims life’s not all bad

Descartes, Meditations:
After six days of effort, man right back where he started

Locke, Two Treatises on Government:
1: Who made him king anyway? 2: we can fire him

Leibniz, postscript to any letter:
Here’s a sketch of some ideas I might work out in detail some day

Hume, Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding:
Long argument to urge docile readers to organize mass book burning

Kant, Critique of Pure Reason:
Reason accuses self, defends self, judges self, acquits self

Kant, Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals:
Man works out idea “what if everyone thought about ethics the way I do?”

Hegel, Phenomenology of Spirit:
Man tries to know world, finds world itself beat him to it

Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil:
Philosopher unironically claims that all philosophers are hypocritical bastards

Frege, Foundations of Arithmetic:
Logician takes half of book to reach step One

Wittgenstein, Tractatus:
After throwing away ladder he climbed, man realizes he cannot ask for help

Lewis, On the Plurality of Worlds:
Man in actual world presents argument similar to one by man in possible world

Leiter, Why Tolerate Religion:
To be fair we should tolerate their stupid fantasy tales

You can add your own at yesterday's thread, as well as see other amusing contributions.