| 1. Drink booze (Condorcet winner: wins contests with all other choices) |
| 2. Eat barbecued animal products loses to Drink booze by 134–38 |
| 3. Read philosophy loses to Drink booze by 128–66, loses to Eat barbecued animal products by 92–88 |
| 4. Eat barbecued non-animal products loses to Drink booze by 143–33, loses to Read philosophy by 99–67 |
| 5. Read blogs loses to Drink booze by 142–36, loses to Eat barbecued non-animal products by 90–55 |
| 6. Write philosophy loses to Drink booze by 143–42, loses to Read blogs by 75–73 |
| 7. Drink non-booze loses to Drink booze by 147–32, loses to Write philosophy by 90–69 |
| 8. Read poetry loses to Drink booze by 147–26, loses to Drink non-booze by 86–49 |
| 9. Burn the flag loses to Drink booze by 145–26, loses to Read poetry by 69–54 |
| 10. Renew membership in the Communist Party loses to Drink booze by 142–22, loses to Burn the flag by 58–51 |
I especially like that dead last in philosophers' activities for July 4th is renewing membership in the Republican Party, which loses (57-30) to eating barbecued human products (presumably Republican ones).
Time to break out the lighter fluid…
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